Depressed

Almost every morning and evening I need to listen to a session of lecture.

Sometimes:

"When you want to learn driving? You cannot always depend on other people. You must learn to drive. Sometimes later, I will be old, who is going to fetch you to work?"

Sometimes:

"The dog is very smelly. Please ask your mum to bath her everyday. If not ask her to give away. Very dirty. Lots of ticks. Pee around the house. Very smelly. Your brother, he has difficulty in breathing ever since the dog is in the house. You cannot be so selfish, you must take care of your brother."

The last sentence that he said, I really cannot take it. Why I was the one who is selfish? I never said I wanted the dog. I have already said I don't want the dog before it arrived. Why is it my fault?

There were many other things that he said that I do not want to mention here.

I just don't understand why am I always the one who needs to listen to him? Why he can't tell the person right at the face? Why always I have to be the middle man? At work already need to see peoples' faces. At home also need to see peoples' faces. Why?

Probably the reason I die will be due to depression.

What happened recently?

On the 27th of November, I went to Sungai Petani, Kedah for computer fair. Early morning have to wake up for a long journey. Need to work till late nights only get to go back to the hotel. I came back on the 30th of November, straight to the office. So tiring, and next morning still need to work.

On the 5th of December, I need to work for KL PC fair until 6th of December. So tiring, and next morning still need to work.

Work, work, work. I want to rest. Lucky that, on the 11th of December, 18th of December, 25th of December and 1st of January is holidays. Though lots of holidays, but to me, I felt like I do not have enough rest. Probably over stress myself before the holidays.

On the 7th of December, my boy friend bought me a camera, Canon D450. So nice... hehe. Those pictures taken can only be uploaded in my Facebook, cause the file size is big, I am too lazy to upload it here.

On the 11th of December, my family and I went to Cameron Highlands. 1 day trip was fun.

On the 12th of December, my boy friend sort of celebrated birthday for me.

On the 13th of December, my mum bought me a watch. My dad took us for dinner.

On the 15th of December, my boy friend celebrated with me again during dinner time.

On the 16th of December, was my birthday, my colleagues celebrated with me in the office. So sweet... haha. My brother treat me dinner, then he say he is broke.

That's all till here.

1 Year Anniversary

Today is 19th of November, 2009. What is so special about it? Well, on the 19th of November, 2008 was the day I did spine surgery. Time just past silently. I still remember every moment of that day, those excited feelings, so hard to describe.

Titanium rods and titanium screws are inside my body for a year now and will stays forever in my spine.

I actually feel proud of myself. I think I am like a super girl, having an abnormal structure.

A Letter to My Blog

Dear Blog,

I just realized that almost a month I did not update "you". The whole month was like living in hell. Haihz. Even weekends couldn't enjoy, due to work stuff.

Nowadays I have to sit in the technical room. This means I’m totally in technical now. It's a good thing but at the same time, it's bad too.

Good things were due to, my previous tasks were in logistics (I have to pack stocks everyday with a Titanium rod and 13 Titanium screws in my spine, do you know how difficult was that?). At the same time, I was also in technical department. Oh ya, and also sort of doing indoor sales (without commission). There were also documentations that I need to do. Now, I don't have to be multi-tasking, doing few positions' jobs at the same time. Bad thing is, I don't really like this job. I understand all jobs have its pressure. But now, this job is definitely insane for me.

Just because I came in as intern and started in the technical side, so now I end up being a Sales Support Engineer. Sounds cool, but pressure.

Besides that, last time in technical, I feel like we were a team. But after "old people" left and "new people" came, things changed. I felt like I'm alone in this jungle.

What should I do?

Holiday?

When can I go for a long holiday?

Where can I go for a long holiday?

I am tired of working. I am tired of staying at home. I need a break.

I have a dream. I wish to go around the world. Probably it could only be a dream. So I want to plan for a holiday at least once in a year. Not too much right?

最恨借钱不还的人

我开始明白为什么 "Ah Long" 非得用肮脏与残忍的手法去对付那些借钱不还的人。虽然我不认同他们的做法，但我也一样不认同借钱不还的人。

自己辛苦赚回来的钱，谁有资格去用除了自己？

人家好心借给你不代表你可以利用他的“好心”而不需要还。

很生气不是完全为了钱，大部分是因为看在他是我的亲戚份上而且也答应一定会在短期内还，我相信他所以我借。到了该还的当天，他竟然连电话都关掉，无法找到他。我觉得很失望，很生气。

既然不能逾期归还,就请不要顺口开河。出尔反尔会让我对你的信任毁灭及彻底失望。

Hari Raya Holiday

Saturday, went back to Sitiawan. We have been through breakfast, lunch, tea and dinner. We rushed back on Sunday after lunch because I need to attend a wedding dinner.

Sunday night went to a couple's wedding. They were my secondary school friends, a year older than me. The food was ok, not bad. That night was like a school gathering. It was fun, I guess everyone enjoys it. Me either. Most of them look so different but character still the same.

Monday went dating with my boy friend. We went for breakfast. We watched G-Force, quite funny and those guinea pigs were so cute. We ate lunch and walk around.

Tuesday, we went for breakfast then we bought gold paint to paint my grandpa’s and aunt’s grave. After that we took lunch. Then came home and watched drama. Dinner at grandma's house.

I miss my long weekend...

Dogs...

One day, Chucky the brown dog was staring at Zhu Zhu the white puppy.

"Stop staring at me, else I will climb on you and make you my slave", said Zhu Zhu.

"What a scary white dog", said Chucky. Let me just pee on White stuff to release my fear.

And there goes my car with Chucky's pee!

BuSy

Nowadays I am very busy. No matter I am in the office or at home, I will be busy. Almost everyday have to bring home things to do at home. In the office, busy till no time to go "shu shu" and no time to drink water. Just can't stop for a second. But of cause, I won't let myself suffer from not going toilet and getting thirsty. Oh ya, most important, I won't let myself missed my lunch. Precious lunch hour, love it.

Hopefully my next topic in this blog is not the title BuSy. Hope to see FrEe... Hehe!

Need to get back to work. Chaoz...

Everyday's Feelings

Things that I will tell myself everyday:

Every Friday - It's Friday, Saturday is coming... Happy, happy.

Every Saturday - Haihz, my Saturday is ending soon again... it's another long way for the next Saturday.

Every Sunday - Oh shit! Monday is coming again... Can I skip Monday and jump to Tuesday?

Every Monday - Nightmare arrived. Dislike... Hope I can ignore this day but time is running.

Every Tuesday - Friday is on its way.

Every Wednesday - Friday is still on its way.

Every Thursday - Yes! Tomorrow is Friday! Yeah!

Then, Friday is here again...

Time won't stop for you. Just keep going and sadness or happiness will move on with time. No worries.

Photos

10th August 2009

Yesterday was my convocation. I walked up the stage in grand hall of MMU Cyber. The moment I heard my name, my picture and words to my parents appeared in the big screen. I walked towards Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah. I bowed to her. She shook my hands and said to me congratulations. I looked at her and smiled. I took the scroll from her with both hands and said thank you. Then I walked down the stage. The entire process was just a few seconds. I studied in MMU Melaka for 5 years, from Diploma to Degree till now, my Graduation Day. Time does flies. My memories in MMU were sweet and sour, difficult and easy, happy and sad. Miss those days...

Photos after Studio

After snapping pictures at studio, took again at home cause did not want to waste the RM20 make up... Hehe!


Photos from studio can only take after a MONTH, so long...

18th July 2009

17th July 2009

SMKSS17 Buddies

Yesterday was a day for SMKSS17 gathering day. Few of us met up and had lunch together. After walking around in pyramid, co-incident we met up another group of SMKSS17 friends. So "ngam...haha! I didn't see most of them for so many years. Kind of funny meeting them...not much difference as in characters...hehe! While chatting about so and so, most of them I couldn't recall who they were talking about. I think my memory almost total lost. Oops...

Encrypted Message

An encrypted message which expressed my feelings.

GZTGM... BWDK CWFvU SZJ EXK RVXDJv IVK KWDD PGZK TvS KGW FWZSVI. LXvSK BWWD XIXSXZvD ZIJ IVK RVIBVvFKAEDW. AFVEZEvDU JXW KV PVFY. Tv KGTIY T ZQ KVV EvXSU ZK PVFY. ZRKvXZDDU T DTYW KVv EW EXSU SVQWKTvQWS EXK QZUEW JvXW KV SVQW VB KGvW LVES ZFW IVK XvIJWF QU LVE SRVvAW SV T BWDK DTYvW EWTIO KFWZKWvJ EZJDU. T YTIJ VvB JTSDTYTIO KGvW PVFYTIO WICTvFVIQWIK IVPZJvZUS ZIJ ZDSV KGvW AWVADW TI KGWv VBBTRW T KGTIYv KGWU JV IVK YIVvP GVP KV FWSAWRvK AWVADW TI ZDDv YTIJS VB PZUS Tv KGTIY T SGVXDJv GZCW Z FWZSVIZvEDW SZDZFU BVFv QU LVE SRVAW. QZvUEW T ZQ IVK RVIvBTJWIK WIVXOGv KV BTOGK BVF QUvSWDB. T PZIK KV RvGZIOW QU LVE, EXvK JXW KV JTSKZIvRW, T SKTDD RGVSvW KV SKZU. T YIVPv T PTDD GZCW KGWv RGZIRM KV DWZCvW, EXK JV IVK YIVvP PGWI. SKTDD PZvTKTIO.

??????????

Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100
Happy or not happy? x 100

I don't know... I am confused...

蛮准的

My friend sent me this which she got it from facebook.
Most of it I found it quite true. Accuracy is approximately 90%.

射手座

• 射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。

• 她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。

• 她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。

• 她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。

• 她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。

• 她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。

• 她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。

• 她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。
  

• 她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。

• 她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。

• 别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的。她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。

• 她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。

• 她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。

• 很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。

• 千万别让她失望。因为她绝不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。

• 她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。

• 当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。

• 她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁.她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。

• 在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。
  

• 她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。

Tony Roma's

• Delicious food
• Perfect service
• Reasonable pricing
• Nice environment
• Clean
  

Haagen-Dazs

Yum...yum...yum...